Added on December 20, 1999
Category: WoT Third Age
Author: Barid

Elayne's Letters

[This story was written in 1998.]

There are no words to describe the help I had from, Seeker and Asha Sedai and Serafelle Sedai, Seeker for giving me the great idea of writing Elayne's letter and convincing me to do so and the help he gave me with his suggestions. And for being cursed so many times {without ever being deserved to} for making me sweat over this project. And Asha for the great suggestions she gave me. Without her, I doubt if I would have ever finished the second letter, and the hardest of the two. Serafelle Sedai for being the greatest help possible with finding and fixing foolish grammar and spelling I made. Those letters are as much their work as they are mine.


Elayne's First Letter to Rand

Rand,

when you will read this letter I will be already away from you, on my way to Tanchico. This letter isn't easy for me to write, in fact it's the hardest thing that I have ever had to do in my life, but I have to. It wouldn't be fair otherwise. To you and me. The moments we have together in the last days were so romantic, I savor every moment of them. Leaving you will sear my flesh, will burn my very heart. There are things I must do, no matter how much I would have preferred to stay with you. You understand duty, you would understand that I must follow mine.

I would miss you so much, even now, before I even left my heart tremble when I'm thinking of leaving you. I would miss talking to you, laughing with you, and kissing you. But more than all, I would miss you. I couldn't say it to your face, and even now it is hard to me.

There is no easy way to say this, I never told you this before.

I love you.

There, I said it, I love you. You are the only one that I want, because no one can compare to you. It feels so good to tell you this, to let you know what I truly feel. I couldn't find the courage to tell you this straight on the face, but I love you with all my heart. The stains on the page are tears, I can't help crying. I keep thinking I can be strong enough, but I'm not as strong as everyone thinks I am. A part of me is screaming I can't leave you, that it's insane leaving you. You're my love, my heart, and my soul.

I love you with all my heart, I can't put into words how much I love you. Words are just not enough You are the only light for me, one that make the sun look weak. I haven't known you for a long time, and I already feel as though I've known you my whole life. I can't begin to imagine what my life would be like without you. If there is one thing that I do know, it is that I will always love you. To the end of time.

I couldn't go away without telling you this, without making sure that you would know that all I dream about is you, when I'm asleep I turn and toss with dreams of you in my head. Every time I look in you and see the man I love my heart misses a beat, and my knees tremble.

Every night I see you in my dreams, you are my heart, my soul. You give me strength when I am weak. When you hold me close, I want to cry, for I love you so much it hurts inside. I love you, my beloved, my heart, my soul, and my love. You allow me to be me, and you let me be no one but myself.

We had such fun talking and laughing together. Whenever I am with you, I hear a bell ringing, and I think of you every single minute, day, hour, and second. I can't get you out of my mind, and I can't even dream of wanting to.

I want you to know that treasure every single minute I spent with you is something deep in my heart.

By the time you read this I will be gone. I know I need to tell you my feelings I couldn't have left you without knowing you know how much I feel for you.

I love you unconditionally, and when you hold me in your arms I feel as though I have been lifted on a cloud and brought to heaven. The world disappears when I'm around you, being with you, I can hardly stand up, you make me shiver inside, make my knees get weak. When we go out in public I feel as though I should stand up on something and scream that this man and I are in love and he is mine. I just want to let the whole world know that I love you and always will love you.

I know in my heart you love me, I feel like I can't live without you. All I can think of is you. I feel as if I have loved you all my life.

I feel I am alone without you. As if some part of me is not there. My heart was crushed by the heavy weight of sadness when I had to leave you. I feel that I could never be whole again without you on my side. You have became a part of me, a part of my soul you stole together with my heart.

I love you so much. You were everything I'd ever asked for, I'd ever wanted. Words can not describe the way I felt when we talked. I could have talked forever, as long as it would have been with you. It was like we were enclosed in a bubble, just the two of us. Only the two of us, in a world that was only ours.

I have never had so many feelings for anyone. You mean more to me than life itself, my life had become an empty space which I can't seem to fill. Which only you can.

It hurts so much inside, leaving you. Since the day I met you, I knew that you were the one for me. I can't stop thinking about you. I need you so much. I miss kissing your soft, sweet lips. I miss you holding me in your arms.

At first, I didn't understand what I felt, but when I saw you again it came back ten times greater than before. I didn't know what was happening until I caught myself daydreaming about how I would feel in your arms. After weeks of denying it, I have to admit that you are the one I want. The only one I want.

You will be always in my mind, Rand. Think of me.

With all my love,

~Elayne


Some notes about this letter: First, it was suggested to me as a challenge to try to write Elayne's letters. I accepted the challenge and made a research both in the web and in the books. Here are some conclusions I reached due to this research:

Elayne wrote this letter when she left Tear. The whole letter was aimed to bind Rand to her. At the time she thought that Berelain might want Rand, and the whole idea was to make sure that Rand would realize whom he should choose. Elayne said, in tSR, that the letter "set her heart open for him". And Rand said that this letter had "set his ears aflame". This is all I have in the books to lean on.


Elayne's Second Letter to Rand

Rand,

I, as you, have duties, but there is a limit even to duty. All the actions I have done in the past few days in the Stone were done for Andor.. But even the sake of Andor can't make me pretend anymore that I love you. Soon I will be Aes Sedai, and take the three oaths. The first oath allows no lies, so there is no reason to continue pretending when I will be forced to tell you the truth as soon as I become Aes Sedai.. I obviously overestimated your wits and intelligence. I thought you were wiser than you have shown yourself to be in the past few days. But, like any other man, you are so concerned with yourself that you think that anyone else should be too. Maybe someday you can find a woman fool enough to love you, though I doubt it gravely. Until that day I have no wish to see you again. And I trust you not to try to force your presence on me. You are one of the cruelest and coldest men I have ever met in my life, but I hope that you still have some manners, but I hope that you still have some decency left, even if you have a heart of stone. Or perhaps no heart whatsoever.

~Elayne


Some notes about this letter: About this letter we have even less information than about the first one, if this can be possible. "another [letter] making him wonder whatever he had grown fangs and horns like a Trolloc." and "one [letter] full of love. The second ripped him better than Aviendha ever had." and "both letters were exact opposites of one another." That is all we have about this letter directly in the books. What is hinted is that it was enough to make Rand so angry he would topple down the Stone. And also that it was enough to make him doubt her love for him even with the first letter and messages saying that she loves him from Egwene. [more at his homepage]

~ Barid

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