Added on April 05, 1999
Category: WoT Humor
Author: Selinthia Avenchesca

Kinslaying For The Company

"Well, damn," Rand Al'Thor muttered.

He'd done it again. Not that it was much of a surprise, he'd been expecting it, what with the whole matter of going mad whilst holding incredible powers under his increasingly wavering control. But really, all the while, this little voice had whispered in his ear, 'You won't really do it, you know it happened last time, you can stop history from repeating itself. I'm telling the truth. Really.' Rand figured that he should have gotten the whole hearing voices thing under control as well, but what do you do when you're going mad? Nothing constructive, that's for sure.

Then again, Rand grinned, He'd wouldn't have to worry about Elayne and Min and Ahvienda yelling at him anymore, or lecturing him, or defying him, or trying to take his power, or predicting his doom if he didn't keep so and so around him at all times, and maybe it would happen even then. And so on...

Rand suddenly wondered what he'd seen in them to begin with. Madness did a great deal for clearing your mind in that way.

Ilyena hadn't been so great either, he thought, slipping into his past life memories. She's been just as bossy as them, the only difference being that she'd yell at him if he did something she didn't like, rather than if she was just upset with herself. But he'd done a lot of things she didn't like, so the difference wasn't that big after all.

Sighing, Rand poked at the nearest body with a toe.

It was Mat, he noted absently. Mat hadn't been that great either. Always drinking and going on about how he was going to go mad. Which was true enough, but that was besides the point.

And then there was Perrin, who had been completely useless, no good at all, really. Always going on about how he had to be compassionate to Aes Sedai. Riiiiiiight. Like that was going to happen anytime soon.

"I remember being Aes Sedai, Perrin," he murmured, "I know how they think. And trust me on this one, I do not want them around, knowing that. Neither would you, if you knew the whole matter, and were alive. But you're not. I know that too, cause I killed you," Rand giggled madly.

Oh nice. That was another thing. When you were mad, you could put out as many giggles as you wanted to, and you had the perfect excuse.

He giggled again, liking the effect.

There was Thom, who'd always been too sympathetic towards male channelers for his own good. Poor Thom.

And Mazrim Taim. Rand had been itching to off that one for a long time. He finally had now.

"I guess I finally won, hmm?" he murmured to the body, "No more competition. How tragic." He sighed theatrically.

And so many others. All around him. All dead.

"Well, you've done it again," said a voice, rather dryly.

Rand turned.

"Hello, Ishamael. I knew you'd be back sometime or another. It beings matters full circle, don't you agree?"

Ishamael lifted an eyebrow, which, rotting, fell off in the process.

"Indeed, Lews Therin. I'm going to heal you with the True Power now. I'm sure you know your lines."

"What lines?" Rand snorted, "I scream in horror, scream some more, cry out some names in remorse, scream some more, sever myself in a fiery flash and wait until the Age is does, get reborn and we start over again."

"Hmm," Ishamael said, "It does get predictable, doesn't it?"

"Yes," the Dragon mused, "Don't you ever think of getting a new job at times?"

"I'm registered with the beurau of deity representation," the Betrayer of Hope explained.

"Oh them," Rand said, "They got you too. Okay, summon the True Power. I'm just bracing for the agony now."

"I'll see you when the Wheel turns."

Twenty minutes later, the screams of remorse and agony reached their peaked, and yet another mountain rose into the air, bubbling over with lightening and the lava of a newly born landmark.

Selinthia Avenchesca


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