What would have happened if: in Lord of Chaos, a few days after Taim's arrival Aviendha would have found out that she was pregnant.
Rand entered his rooms in Andor on tiptoe, he thought that it must be already midnight. And for once he hoped that he would come when Aviendha was already sleeping, he tried to avoid her as much as he could now. The dangers he must face before the Last Battle shouldn't be shared with her, he had seen her dying once, on the very day he had killed Rahvin and avenged Elayne's mother. There were few things he was sure about them completely, and one of them was that any woman he kept too close to him was in danger. If he learned something from Lanfear it was this lesson, and it wasn't one he could easily forget.
He glanced at the pallet were Aviendha should have been, even if she wasn't sleeping she should have been there, waiting for him. The woman had a great deal of fun taunting him, sometimes he thought that she did this just because he blushed. He nearly jumped out of his skin when he noticed that Aviendha wasn't on her pallet. She had nowhere to go in this time of the night, and that left the possibilities of a shadowspawn or one of the Forsakens, if she was dead; or kidnapped by Semirhage or Greandel or any one of the other that was still alive. Even Asmodean if the man had the nerves to come in here when he was that much weaken because of Lanfear's shield, a thing Rand doubted very much. But he had seen Aviendha dead once, he doubt if there was a thing he wouldn't do to stop her from dying again, this time there might be no balefire to alter the weave of the pattern, and if Aviendha died… He would die too, after avenging her death.
Before he even began thinking he reached for saidin, all the sweetness of life and corruption of the taint; caused by his own actions. He filled himself with the power till he thought he would burn from the amount that was in him, till he was full with a river of molten ice and a lake of frozen fire. With saidin in him he could sense every stir of the air against his skin, see the world so clearly that life without the power was unthinkable. He could hear Aviendha breathing, she was in the room he used as a throne room, he must have gone past her by without noticing.
Rand turned and went to her, no matter how hard he told himself that this is a mistake. He only meant to take a look at her, to see that she was fine. Those fears were ridiculous; of course, Aviendha could take care of herself very well. But he couldn't stop them for his life, he feared for her any moment she wasn't in his sight. And every moment he had her in front of him he had to fight himself as much as he fought saidin, he wanted her even though he knew he couldn't have her. Even when he knew that he was a danger to her, it didn't matter how often he told himself that he had to stay away from her, he just couldn't do it. His grin held no mirth, if he couldn't make himself send Aviendha away when every shred of logic told him he must send her away from him, what was the chances that he could hold the madness off. He raked a hand through his hair; he really didn't want to think about this. For a moment he wasn't sure whatever he meant, madness or Aviendha.
His eyes stopped on Aviendha, sitting on the floor in nearly white blouse
and dark skirt. Light but she was beautiful, he thought. His eyes bulged
when he understood why she was so quite when he passed her by few moments
ago. She was drunk! Aviendha! That was unthinkable, she rarely drunk something
stronger than wine, what under the light could have made her drink so much?
He hurried to her and kneeled beside her, taking her head in his hands
he channeled briefly. Simple weaves of Spirit and Fire and Water, the weave
came from Lews Therin's memories and for once he was grateful that memories
passed along the bordered between him and Lews Therin. He never thought
of asking Asmodean how to suppress the affect of too much drinking.
Aviendha gasped as if thrown into boiling water and jerked right out of his hands. The drunkenness seemed to slide out of her when she stood on unsteady feet, he hold her hand. To help her stand he told himself, it had nothing to do with that she felt so good, nothing at all. She didn't try to free herself and she didn't walk away, what he expected her to do, instead she just looked at him. Clear blue-green eyes staring at him not a foot away, there was something in her eyes, a redness that he first ignored that he now recognized as signs of crying. That was more stunning than anything he had seen this day , he could have accepted Aviendha drunk, but Aviendha crying! That was more than unbelievable, more than impossible.
"What happened, Aviendha?" He asked her softly, gently. He doubted if something else would help him, in fact he very much doubted if anything would help him at all. But instead of telling him what happened to her that was enough to make her drink so much and cry; or even telling him that this was none of his business as he more than half expected, she sagged against his chest. And mumbled something he didn't understood clutching his arms hard enough to make him grunt, he turned her face to him, "What happened, Aviendha?" he asked again, a bit more firmly than before. He didn't like to see her like that, it wasn't natural to her.
"I'm with a child, Rand al'Thor." She answered faintly, her eyes still
red from crying. Had she told him that the Dark One was free he wasn't
as stun as he was now. He stepped away from her, his mouth tried to reach
the floor; "You are with…" He stopped to swallow hard, he thought his eyes
might fall on the floor any moment. Aviendha grunted and she removed his
hold in her, she rubbed her arms, only half aware for them. She watch him
closely, she wasn't joking with him, though he very much wanted her to.
"Are you sure? Mine?" he asked before he had regained his hold in himself in disbelief. Both silly questions couldn't have been planned better to make her more angry. She wouldn't have told him if she weren't sure. But it at least explained why she was crying, or half explained it.
"Not your's, Rand al'Thor. Sammael's." Her voice full of sarcasm, "Who else do you think it could be, you fool man? I hadn't…" she took a ragged breath and glared at him. He glanced at the table where all the drinks were kept, more than half of them had gone but he found a cup and a jar that Aviendha hadn't emptied. Saidin left him when Aviendha talked but now he channeled to fill the cup and send it to him, Aviendha snatched it from the air. Not caring one bit that it was his, and emptied it all in one gulp. Rand sighed and walked to the table, letting saidin to leave him wasn't hard this time, he didn't want to be too aware around Aviendha, her hands against his arm, her smell. All that threated to break the wall he tried to create between them so she would be safer, he didn't know what he felt for her, only that if she would be harmed he would die. Sometimes he had nightmares of the day he killed Rahvin, but on those he came and found Aviendha dead, they woke him with cold sweat anytime he dreamed them. He had to stay away from her, no matter how hard it was; no matter how it hurt him.
He filled himself a goblet and then turned to Aviendha; she already
finished drinking and stepped to fill her cup again. She sat on the floor,
sipping from her wine and watched him. He didn't understood how she could
be so calm, he didn't know whatever to start laughing or… or… he didn't
know what and he didn't care. He sat himself on the floor, facing her with
all the courage he could find; she would laugh herself till her death if
he would let her know how carefully he had to gather it.
"The question is, of course, what are we going to do with it?" He said when he was on the floor, not a pace away from her. Aviendha looked at him in surprise, what did she thought he would do. Did she really think that he would abandon her with a child? And his child!
She just stared at him flatly for a moment, "I must speak with Elayne, Rand al'Thor. I must!" Her voice was full of urgency.
"That is all, Aviendha?" He asked, "Why not asking the sun with her? I'm trying to find her more than a month now, if I would have known where she is, she was already here." He silenced himself when he realized he was all but shouting at her.
"She is in a place called Salidar, Rand al'Thor. Egwene asked us not to tell you, but…" Aviendha squeezed her eyes shut for a moment, her face pained. "I need to talk with her, could you… would you take me to her, Rand al'Thor?" He was gaping at her; she knew all that time where Elayne was? And didn't told him. He had found her, the light burn his bones to ashes if he hadn't found her. He was so overjoyed that he bent toward Aviendha and kissed her. She hadn't even protest; she took his head in her hands and pressed his lips to hers. A thing she did only once, a thing he dreamed of almost every night. He didn't mean to do this, it was just an instinct, only his body move on his own, and he kissed Aviendha as thoroughly as he ever had.
The light from the windows woke him in the morning; he was in his bed
and there was a body pressed against his. He opened his eyes and saw Aviendha,
still sleeping, her hair spread on his shoulder and her head on his chest,
so beautiful, so peaceful. She had no clothes on, and nor did he.
His hand stroked her back, and he let his head fall on the pillow. Lews Therin murmurs in the distance became audioable. Love is twice as dangerous as surrendering to saidin and ten times as addictive.
Rand tried very hard not to listen; soon he would go to this Salidar and Elayne. And he had no bloody idea what he felt both toward Elayne and Aviendha, even though one was snuggled in his arms. Blood and bloody flaming ashes, he thought. There was no better way to sum his feeling as this was.