Posted on May 03-04, 1998 on WoT Alliance BBS
Category: WoT Humor

The TRUE Story Of The Taint

Silence. Lews Therin screamed... "Dark One!! Please, answer me!!"
NO LEWS THERIN, YOU HAVE SEALED ME UP!
"I didn't mean to.. It was those idiot Hundred Companions."
ITS YOUR FAULT! YOU LED THEM. YOU ARE A FAILURE.
"But I need more Girl Scout Coookkiiieees!!!!"
NEVER! YOU HAVE SEALED ME, YOU IDIOT!
"I didnt mean to! Please! I neeeeeed those girl scout coookies!"
IF YOU WANT THEM SO BADLY, GIVE ME YOUR SOUL.
"My Soul? Well.. then everyone will know I'm a bad guy!"
I DO NOT CARE
"Oh, fine.. I better get those cookies though..."
YOU SHALL SERVE ME WELL!
"Uhhh what?"
YOU WILL BECOME SOMETHING TO DOOM MANKIND!
"Huh? I didn't agree to that."
YOU GAVE ME YOUR SOUL.
"Yea.. But I don't wanna doom mankind"
DO NOT WORRY. YOU WILL ONLY BECOME THE TAINT ON SAIDIN.
"But.. I dont want to."
TOUGH LUCK. YOU ATE THE GIRL SCOUT COOKIES. YOU ARE NOW MINE!
"NOOOOOOOOOO.. You cant make me!!"
YES, I CAN.

- With that, The Dark One then took Lews Therin, and turned him into the Taint On Saidin ... Lews Therin ran screaming from Shayol Ghul, so upset from causing the taint, and being the taint, that he was insane instantly... The Rest, you know.

Leafblighter


The Cookies give the Dark One the Energy for the True Power ... errrr I shouldn't have said that, should I? I Mean ... umm ... (The big black cloud around The Dark One falls, and he is revelead to be ... a BIG BLUE FURRY...) COOOOOOKIIIEEEEEEEE ... (You Guessed it, Cookie Monster) COOOOOOKIIEEEEEE
(*LOL* I think I've taken the cookie thing far enough now. *nodnod*)

Leafblighter


In an Age long past, a slender young girl with auburn hair and a scattering of pale freckles across the nose dons a short little green uniform and picks up an innocuous looking cardboard case. Looking in the mirror, Shai'ariel nods with satisfaction. No one will recognize her... she picks up the case and heads out from Shayol Ghul.

The first home she comes to belongs to a snooty Aes Sedai named Mierin. Ari never did like Mierin, but her brother said every door, so...

(knock, knock) "Girl Scout Cookies!" Mierin peeks out. "Beat it, kid -- don't you know I'm a busy Aes Sedai? Besides, Lews Therin's getting married today, and I have to ruin the wedding. Now scram!" Ari puts on her most winsome pout. "Please, O Great Aes Sedai? Just one box of Thin Mints?" Mierin decides it will be quicker to just buy one, so she forks over a silver crown and takes the box.

Later that day, Mierin will be moody and depressed and craving chocolate. She'll spy the box of Thin Mints and chow down. The rest is history...

The next house belongs to Elan Morin, yet another Aes Sedai. Ari always thought he was kinda cute, so she makes the hem of her uniform a couple inches shorter.

(knock knock) "Girl Scout Cookies!" Elan Morin opens the door with a lecherous smile. "Well, come right in, little girl..." Ari leaves some time later with about half as many cookies as she went in with. Elan Morin's eyes are already starting to burn...

The third house belongs to Joar Addam Nessoin, yet another Aes Sedai. Ari realizes she must be in the Channelers District. Joar Addam was a two-bit bard with delusions of grandeur, but Ari figured her brother could find some use for him. After all, he even found use for the dead. So she went to the door.

(knock, knock) "Girl Scout Cookies!" The erstwhile bard cautiously opened the door. "Cookies? What kind of cookies? How much?" Ari gave him her best sweet-little-girl smile. "Wonderful cookies, O Great and Noble Bard! A variety of flavors to suit even so discriminating a palate as yours, and at only one silver crown per box!" "Bard? You've heard I'm a Bard?" "Oh, yes, your fame runs far and wide, Aes Sedai! It is said you are the greatest bard who has yet lived, or ever will, for that matter!" Ari replied, managing to keep a straight face. Joar Addam puffed himself up with pride. "I'll take 3 boxes, sweet child!"

And so it went, all through the Aes Sedai section of town. In fact, Ari was so successful that she ran out of cookies after only the 13th house, and had to go back home to Shayol Ghul to restock. Unfortunately, her brother had a falling out with the head baker and had thrown him into the Pit of Doom. A pity, really. If she'd had a few thousand more boxes of those cookies, Tarmon Gaidon would have become superfluous...

Ariella, the Great Mistress of the Dark, reminiscing about the old days...



© 1998-1999 Dragon's Library & Ulrike Großmann